meditation

The Joy of Cultivation

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In my various Taoist-infused spiritual meditation. There’s something I noted in both my own experience and in the writings of different teachers, sage, immortals, and weirdos – that there’s a real joy in self-cultivation.

Meditation. Ethical contemplation. Dietary improvement. Self-analysis. Reading and informing oneself. There’s a real pleasure in all of it that I saw in everything from Taoist mystics to Confucian intellectuals to mystics and magicians. I get this, and it’s a joy I think more people could appreciate.

My meditative work, both breath and energy work, help me explore myself, develop myself, understand myself. It’s like refining a metal, gradual work as something beautiful emerges. I sit down and tune my breath and rest mind, or circulate energy, there, in touch with myself – even when a distraction frustrates me at least I’m there, alive.

My meditative work is also about skill development. Tuning that breath and attention. Being aware of the flows of energies. Every day is a chance to improve that skill, every day I’m a little bit better (well, statistically) at what I do.

My meditative studies are fulfilling. To read documents thousands of years old, to analyze symbols and translations, informs me and connects me to others that laid the foundation for me now. Wrestling with symbolism may at times be frustrating (notoriously so in Taoist alchemy) but it is also connecting and energizing. I’m there, understanding, relating, and going “what the heck” just as people have for thousands of years.

I also work on my ethics, my place in society because you can’t escape that – being human. I may be a mystic of sorts, but it’s not in a monastery – indeed I’m of the mind that self-cultivation is best directly in human society if you can handle it. It may be more challenging, but it’s also fulfilling as I am in direct contact with people and can learn more quickly.

My ethical studies and interests also, again, connect me to others. I can discuss with other people so included to self-cultivation, but I also connect with past writers as I read their books. There is something about reading advice from a thousand years ago that is relevant to today that is illuminating and connecting. There’s also something about trying to be a better person and really figure out what to do in this world.

(And at times frustrating, as you’re realizing how many a human problem hasn’t changed. But it’s a frustration that connects me to another frustrated person of centuries ago!)

My mystical work, prayer, theurgy, also connects me to the bigger picture. To think of gods, of the great forces of the world (however abstract or embodied you prefer) is to think of the way the world works. It is to think about the powers that are and what your role in all of it is. It is to ask “where am I in all of this?”

Of course there is the Tao, and it’s hard to discuss the contemplation of that, of the Big Picture. But you get the idea.

And of course there’s questions of diet and ethical diet, of proper use or non-use of certain substances, and so on. That joy of cultivation, of becoming better, connects you to so many things. Even when those things are questioning if you should down a glass of rum (my preferred alcohol) or not.

There is a joy in this cultivation.

This is something I also think is important to modern times – if I may be so bold, needed. Making being actually better part of your life. Not what’s expected, necessarily. Not what’s trendy. But of getting real.

Maybe, as I write this, that’s a joy I should share more. But I suppose writing this is a good start.

–Xenofact

It’s All Grasping

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Lately I’ve been contemplating several psychological phenomena I see in my meditations and self-analysis. The funny thing is the more I look at the different problems we face – and that we address with meditation, psychology, and spiritual pursuits, it all seems a whole lot alike. In a way that seems very familiar. It’s all grasping.

I have talked before of what I call The Escape Capsule, that place in our heads and minds where “we” hide. Where we run away from things. Where we think we’ll be safe, but we are not safe, and our “we” is ephemeral.

I’ve talked of the Place of Death from the Tao Te Ching, where we hide, where we cut ourselves off from life, and where we usually seal our fate by being so disconnected. We can’t move through the world and flow with it, we can’t respond, and we fail. I noted it was a lot like The Escape Capsule, if not the same.

In contemplating Desire, I’ve seen how I have habits of mentally grabbing or seeking certain things. I’ll latch onto something, some urge or thought, and my mind is engaged in everything from rumination to playing with mental puzzles. In fact, my mind seems to want to have something to grab onto – I imagine you’ve been there as well.

All three of these things I’ve analyzed over time- and named, are reflections of one simple thing – Grasping or Craving. You know, what Buddha warned us about explicitly in his Four Noble Truths, and what everyone else warned us about. Buddha though really brought it to the surface with his gift for specific organization, so game recognizes game.

Needing a separate self, needing to wall it off (in a way that ruins it), and just craving really are the same thing. We’ve got all these grabby complexes in our heads, burrowed into our habits and even our physical postures and tensions, that are active. They also end up backfiring and making us miserable if they solidify too much.

Desire and fear, hiding away and reaching out, it’s all the same, grasping. You can feel that in the tension in your neck, in the worry running around your brain, in the obsession that makes you stare at the cigarette or angry email in horror. You’re stuck in the machine, and the machine is what you thought you were – and thought you enjoyed it sometimes.

As we get reminded, craving, what makes us suffer, is the problem. But this is a reminder it has many faces. The desire that torments us, the cutting off we create, the attempts to escape – they’re all the same.

This is where I get thankful for the legion of sages, therapists, mystics, artists, writers, and so on that keep reminding us that being alive isn’t the same as grasping, or having, or running away from danger. It’s being alive, flowing like water, present, there. That’s what meditation and therapy and so on are about in the end – seeing, understanding, but most importantly being there and being real in the midst of it all.

It’s all been said before, but I’m glad people keep saying it.

– Xenofact

The Two That Are None

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In the Taoist-based meditations I do I’ve begun to note an interesting thing about duality and voidness. I’m going to do my best to communicate it, albeit I may sound incoherent or just plain high. Which might be the best way to communicate it, but tolerate me.

So I’ve noticed a lot of dualism or “multiplicative dualism” in various Taoist writings. One reconciles Fire and Water, or uses Sense together with Energy, and so on. Sometimes there’s “dual dualism” like Sense and Energy and Conscious and Real Knowledge. A lot of practices are about combining these elements or reconciling them – and of course the classic Yin and Yang are used among all of these various dualities.

(Sometimes it goes farther like the Tripartate Vitality, Energy Spirit, but stick with me here).

In my Secret of the Golden Flower breathwork I’m working on refining breath and mind, the mind evening and slowing the breath, and the breath being a resting place of the mind. Breath and Mind are another duality and, yes that gets tied to other dualities, which happens in Taoism a lot.

Now in doing that breathwork I’ve found that the refining mind and resting breath are not just best done together, they’re best being done “equally.” You don’t focus more on quality of breath or the resting of the mind, you’re doing both at once, both with equal measure except the occasional course correction

Now if you’ve done any kind of meditation you know those moments where you get clarity, where your perspectives shift, where there’s less you and more reality. I find that the refined breath-and-mind at once are where that starts to happen. You’re doing two things at once, but they’re also one thing, and yet also there’s something about you lighter and emptier.

And yes, as per my respect for Taoism, I’m not going to talk it overmuch since thats when you screw it up (and I’m not that good at communicating it in symbols yet).

I think there’s something about having “two things at once” in meditative practice – two things to do together, two elements to contemplate, and so on – that helps you actually get beyond your mundane self. You get to zero starting with two, but it’s hard to get there from one.

My opinion is that in meditative practices and the symbols used for them, that if we have just one definite symbol or activity or concept, there’s a risk we identify it The self will cling to any one thing as a way to anchor itself. But when your concepts or meditative practices have a duality, it’s hard for the self to settle anywhere – and as you practice, the mundane self becomes thinner as a deeper self becomes apparent.

Is this the only way to do things? Obviously not. There’s focusing exercises, forms of deliberate overload, or round-robin type mental exercises that aren’t dualistic. But I think it’s a useful insight to understand some techniques.

Sometimes you get somewhere from two places.

(I don’t think I over-described, but I’m going to have to start working on how to communicate but not over-communicate more profound experiences).

-Xenofact