meditation

Head Full of Ghosts

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If you’ve done any form of meditation or therapy you know about those complexes in your mind. The fears, the obsessions, the habits that take over so much of our life, probably more than we want to admit.

It’s like having a head full of ghosts.

These aren’t the cool ghosts either. There’s no dramatic revelations of the past or lineage. They aren’t some vital spirits directing us to a better life after three disparate visions. None of these ghosts is delivering useful advice. Not a single one resembles Patrick Swayze.

Honestly, these ghosts in our head, these habits and neuroses, are boring and pathetic.

They’re mechanical and repetitive. They run on tracks burrowed into our mind, clockwork-clicking along whatever path set out by our past experiences. They are powerful, they are annoying, but they’re also not that interesting or unique. The reruns of the soul.

They’re often quite pathetic. A bad experience here, a grudge there, something we didn’t acknowledge in the past. Even the horrible ones are sad, the results of our bad choices or the cruelty of others. There’s something invalid about them, and we fear, about ourselves.

They’re damaging. They hurt us, obsess us, misdirect us, but not in any cool way. They’re often stupidly self-destructive – of ourselves and even themselves. They negate themselves yet always resurrect.

But worse of all these Ghosts, these complexes and obsessions of the past are so empty.

There’s nothing to them. No acknowledgement of reality, even when reality triggers them. They don’t grow. They aren’t relevant even if perhaps they once had reason to exist. When we acknowledge them, their shallowness is stunning. Here we are, people, and we have to share our head with these phantoms.

It’s humiliating. These mechanical, harmful, phantasms drive so much of our life and don’t deserve to. I once read someone discussing the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, and decided to translate what is usually interpreted as craving as humiliation, and I get that.

I find looking at this emptiness, this voidness of our complexes helps me deal with them. When you see their shallowness and pointlessness, you can overcome them. Not necessarily by great exertion or cultivation (though it may help) but by just seeing through them and deciding to move on.

They seem to shrink when you do that. Probably because your attention and ignorance was the only thing keeping them going.

–Xenofact

Nurturing Not Grasping

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If you’ve done meditation consistently (and my guess is you have), you know that in time things happen. You have insights, you feel different, there’s something there. Oh sure you read about it, you hear about it, but then it happens. You’re a better person for your meditations and it’s kind of a shock.

I mean you kind of hoped for it, but then you’re different. It’s real, it’s not sayings and advice and poems and words. You feel different and the you that feels is different.

But the question is: what’s next? This is something I’ve read several times in my Taoist studies, and I wanted to share some thoughts and insights from my own meditations. I’ve had those moments of insights of “shifts” where you’re a little bit different and you know you’re on the path. There’s something in you that is different, it’s better, but then what?

You can’t seize these moments, these changes, and hold them. You can’t force them to happen, which I think is frustrating to many. If you’re a meditator I’m sure you’ve been here. I certainly have, where a very solid change falls apart when you grasp it.

First, a thing I find helpful to remember is that it’s the meditation that brings you here, those moments of mind resting on breath, the flow of energies, or what have you.. You can’t force these changes, can’t push them but you can keep up the practice that makes them possible. The positive changes you experience are due to the practice making them possible.

The changes you experience – “Signs” is what I’ve seen it called in my Taoist readings – are indicators you’re doing well in meditation. Keep going with the meditation.

But those moments of insight, of feeling better, of feeling aligned, of feeling there’s something in you that’s better? Another useful idea I’ve seen in Taoism is the idea of nurturing and guarding. Taoist writings talk about how one may experience a “seed,” have “the elixir,” develop a “spiritual embryo” and so on at various meditative stages. These are not things to be held or grasped, but guarded and nurtured.

Whatever positive changes (and whatever symbolism you might use for them) you want to nurture them. Not grasp, force, hold, but gently nurture. The exact nature of that may depend on your level of meditation and spiritual path, but it takes gentle work to maintain those “positives.”

I find these are usually a combination of things. Recognizing that you’ve experienced change due to meditation. Maintaining meditation. Understanding behaviors that support these positive changes – ethical and social cultivation.

You also want to avoid destroying these evolutions – guarding them.. This may again be making behavioral and social changes, dietary alterations, and consideration for how your choices affect you. You might even get some insights into how your bad habits harmed before.

I think this is why the physicality of Taoist ideas helps me. Imagining carefully brewing an elixir, nurturing a spiritual embryo, “moving to the center” and so on resonate with me and obviously several thousand years of practitioners. It’s easy to imagine guarding and nurturing a physical thing.

I hope in your practices that you have these changes, these moments. I hope you can maintain your meditations. And I hope you can guard and nurture what you find.

Plus if you want a deep dive into Taoist symbolism, I got some books to recommend . . .

–Xenofact

Notes On The Ecosystem

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I’ve referred to cultivating an “Ecosystem” of thought and relations as part of spiritual practices. The idea is that your practices embrace the “big picture” of your life, tying parts of it together. I figured I’d exposit my current methods here to see if they help folks out.

Part 1: Regular Readings

First, each day I read two passages out of a copy of the Tao Te Ching and may move on to other works. This regularly means I contemplate useful teachings regularly, in small amounts, constantly reinforcing my philosophy and keeping me thinking. Taking regular time to really ask “what does this mean and what did I learn” is quite helpful in keeping to “The Big Picture.”

Secondly, I read about one Hexagram from the I Ching, a sprawling body of divination, advice, and philosophy on the 64 different “Changes” of the world. I have several analyses of the I Ching and regularly cycle through them to be exposed to different ideas. Each day then I contemplate a “Change” in the world and what people have written about it. This grounds me in larger thought related to Taoist ideas and again keeps me thinking.

Plus, there are some amazing analyses of the I Ching. One, the Tao of Organization, is basically the I Ching of organizations and managements, and as a Project Manager, that gets me thinking.

None of these take a huge amount of time. There’s something about having a “pause to think about how it comes together” that’s not overlarge I find helpful.

My Advice: Read a little bit of an important philosophical/spiritual work a day as the break and contemplation is helpful but not overwhelming. Also read something that gives you that “Big Picture” sense – it may be mystical/philosophical like the I Ching, or perhaps a work on history or culture that has convenient “bite sized” chunks.

Part 2: “The Harmony”

A more recent thing I’ve taken to doing is reflecting each day on how the different aspects of my life connect. I write this down in my meditation notebook once a day, and I review different “levels” of my life. I reflect on how I’ve done, what I learned, and maybe what I can do better. Here’s the way I do it.

“Celestial Harmony” is my name for reviewing my life on the mystical and archetypical level. This has two parts.


First, I reflect on the gods. This means I reflect on the huge principles that matter to me, those living parts of the universe that mean something to mean and that I connect to. This may be thankfulness, acknowledgement of the roles in my life, and so on. This helps me understand how I connect to the larger forces in the world.

Secondly, I reflect on values that are important to me. To make this easier I adopted a system from the Chinese Five Element System, analyzing how I did in the “Five Virtues.” Thus I take a moment to ask how I did to embody Righteousness, Benevolence, Wisdom, Propriety, and Trustworthyness. This is not a system I know a lot about, but it worked with my regular readings, and I decided to “wing it” and see if it helped – and it did.

You could probably do this in religious or secular ways. The key thing is to recognize the “big elements” of your life and specific values and review them.

“Social Harmony” is the next thing I analyze. How did I do connecting with people, supporting friends and family, performing my social roles, did I learn anythin,g and so on? I look at things that are both chances to do better and what I have done well.

I found this most useful as I didn’t realize a lot about how social I was. There are times I felt both social and also wanted some “me” time and now I realize I didn’t realize how much socializing I was doing. Quite useful.

Psychology is the last part. I sit down and ask how my mental state is, any issues I dealt with, learned about, did well, or things I can do better. This is usually pretty practical, but also ties to all of the above reviews.

Plus if there’s any issues I want to work on, I can look at progress.

My Advice: Try these daily reviews. Don’t be hard on yourself, but I find it very useful. Thinking from the cosmic and timeless down to specific neuroses is illuminating.

So, Give it a Try

I hope these practices give you some good ideas. I recommend giving them at least 3 months of practice to see how they work out for you. It gives you time to get it right, find what works for you, and see what lessons pop up. For me, It really helps with the “ecosystem” of my life, connecting my spirituality, philosophy, and psychology together. I hope the advice helps do the same for you.

And give me a write to let me know what you’ve learned.

–Xenofact